


i won't fall unless you ask me to

by theonceandfuturecarpenter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, no smut tho, technically canon compliant?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28209054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonceandfuturecarpenter/pseuds/theonceandfuturecarpenter
Summary: the three times Rey and Poe sleep together + the one time they don't.
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Rey, Poe Dameron/Rey
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part i

They sleep together once.

\-------

The Battle of Crait had left Poe battered and bruised, moreso in ego than in bodily harm; although, he admittedly wasn’t looking too great on that front either. Ajan Kloss had welcomed what little number they had left with open arms, although they weren’t given much time to lick their wounds.

Snoke was dead. Kylo Ren had taken over, and was tearing through the galaxy with the same unbridled rage with which he had torn through Poe’s mind only weeks ago.

Was that only weeks ago? Poe looked over at the clock next to his bedside. 12:15 AM stared back at him in bright red typeface.

“Kriff,” he muttered under his breath, and pushed himself up from the thin mattress beneath him.

Time hadn’t felt real in the weeks since his first face to face encounter with the First Order. When he tried to reach back into his memory, everything felt...blurry. Like he could only grab hold of a certain moment in time for a fleeting second before it began to slip through his fingers like grains of sand.

Poe grabbed at a shirt lying rumpled on the ground and pulled it over his head, and punched the button that opened the door to his quarters. If sleep wasn’t going to come to him naturally, he had no choice but to tire himself out.

He wandered into the training room only a few doors down from his quarters, grabbing a staff from a loose pile in the corner. Poe twirled it around in his hands absentmindedly as he walked to the mat that took up the center of the room. The rest of the base around him was eerily quiet, a stark contrast to the constant hustle and bustle that usually consumed every square inch of the place.

Poe had hoped that a rare moment of silence would bring him a sense of peace. Instead, it fell over him so heavy that at times he was scared that it would suffocate him.

He thrusted the staff forward into the humid night air, then wound it in his hands above his head and tucked it under his arm, leaning back into a neutral position in one swift motion.

Poe wasn’t trained much in hand to hand combat. He could throw a mean punch, sure, but he otherwise had no need to be trained any further when he mainly found himself fighting from the sky. And he sure as hell didn’t know how to use a staff as a melee weapon properly.

But nobody was around to see him flailing around with this giant stick right now. He closed his eyes and continued his random movements, throwing his body around the room with abandon in something that could vaguely resemble melee combat if you squinted.

“Your form needs work, Dameron,” a lilting voice startled him from his thoughts.

“Kriff!” he exclaimed, nearly dropping the staff in his surprise. Rey leaned in the doorway of the room, arms crossed in front of her.

“Sorry,” she said in a voice that sounded more amused than apologetic, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I thought I was the only one awake,” Poe huffed, snatching the staff from where he had dropped it on the ground.

“I thought the same thing,” Rey responded. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and Poe found his own lips quirking upwards in response.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Poe muttered under his breath, “Figured I could at least try to tire myself out in the meantime.”

“Want a sparring partner?” Rey stepped into the room, arms still crossed, “Might speed up the process a little bit.”

“What, you hoping to tire yourself out too?” he asked.

Rey shrugged. “I’m fine without sleep. Never was one who needed it much anyways.”

Poe took a long look at her. Rey’s poker face was practically nonexistent, despite her best efforts; her emotions just rolled off her in waves. And despite the small smile on her face, Poe could see that it did not reach her striking brown eyes. Which, now that he looked closer, were also ringed by dark circles.

“So, are we sparring, or what?” she insisted.

Poe raised an eyebrow, “And go hand to hand with a Jedi? No thanks.” 

“I’m not a Jedi,” Rey stated firmly, “Not yet.”

“Jedi or not, you and I both know that you’re way better trained with this,” Poe held up the staff, “Than I am.”

He pushed past her and moved to toss the staff back into the small pile in the corner.

“Are you afraid of me, Dameron?” Rey asked as she wandered further into the room.

Poe had to suppress the laugh that threatened to escape his throat. The last thing he felt towards Rey was fear. Oh no, he liked her, even when they bickered like children. Hell, especially when they bickered like children. She was one of the few people who was as stubborn and headstrong as he was, and sparks flew whenever they went toe to toe with each other.

“No,” he answered, “I’m not afraid of you.”

“Then throw me a kriffing staff and let’s spar,” she commanded with finality.

Poe knew better than to disrespect her wishes. He grabbed a staff and tossed it her way without a word. She caught in in her right hand, twirling it with such familiarity it may as well have been an extra limb.

“No Force shit, though, you hear me?” Poe stepped back onto the mat, “You pull anything like that and I’m out.”

Rey met his eyes intently and smirked, “I won’t need it.”

Poe’s eyes narrowed as he joined her on the mat. The two began circling each other slowly.

“Any other ground rules?” she asked, refusing to break eye contact as she sized up her new opponent.

“No hitting the face,” Poe stated, sizing her up all the same.

“What, scared I’m going to break your nose, pretty boy?” Rey teased.

“Oh, so you think I’m pretty?” Poe taunted back, leaning forward ever so slightly towards her.

Before he knew what was happening, Rey pulled the staff around and swept Poe’s feet out from under him. He sat up from where he had hit the ground with a thud, eyeing his sparring partner, who was whistling as she tossed the staff back and forth between her hands.

“That wasn’t fair,” he declared in an accusatory tone, ambling back up to a standing position.

“What? I didn’t use the Force and I didn’t hit your face,” Rey argued, “I followed all the rules.”

She was dressed only in an oversized sleeping shirt and leggings, and her hair was falling loose out of the halfhearted bun at the top of her head. But the baggy clothing could not hide the grace and agility with which her whole body moved, absentmindedly twirling the staff in her hand as she stood above him. Poe could see a small sliver of exposed skin where her shirt rode up slightly, and felt his pulse quicken at the sight.

Get it together, Dameron, don’t let the pretty girl distract you.

Poe held the staff out in a defensive stance. “Let’s go,” he challenged, and they were off.

Rey stepped forward and swung her staff at Poe’s left, which he managed to block with his own staff. Rey grunted and tried striking again from the right, only to be met with the same result. She swung one more time, this time coming over the top, forcing Poe to raise his staff to block her again.

Rey planned a swift kick into Poe’s unprotected abdomen, sending him sprawling to the mat with a loud grunt.

“Kriff, Rey, now you’re just playing dirty,” he groaned in between deep heaves, trying to catch his breath again after having it so rudely knocked out of him.

“We can get rid of the staffs if you’d like,” Rey offered with a halfhearted shrug. 

“What, and go with just fists?” Poe pushed himself onto his feet, “No, I’m not hitting a woman if I can help it.”

“Bold of you to assume you’ll land a hit on me,” Rey declared smugly. God, he wanted to wipe that self-satisfied smirk clean from her face.

Poe threw the staff to the side. Rey mirrored him, refusing to break eye contact as she shucked the staff away from her, and Poe felt a wave of something hot and exciting crash through his veins.

Rey ran forward and threw the first swing, which Poe ducked away from at the last possible second. They continued the pattern of throwing punches, ducking, blocking, and throwing more punches until both were panting heavily and beginning to sweat.

Poe threw a clean punch to Rey’s left side, but before it could land, she grabbed his wrist and twisted it hard. Poe let out a tiny yelp as Rey twisted his arm behind his back, wrapping her other arm around the base of his neck in a halfhearted rendition at a headlock. She breathed heavily as she pressed her front into his back, locking him tightly in her hold.

“Call it,” she rasped into his ear, and Poe had to suppress the shiver that threatened to run down his spine.

He swept his leg behind hers, forcing her knee to give way and sending the both of them crashing to the floor.

Rey scrambled to her feet, still panting heavily in a combination of exhaustion and frustration. She ripped the sleeping shirt over her head, tossing it aside and leaving her in nothing but a breast band as she paced the floor to catch her breath.

Poe’s mouth went dry as he took in the exposed, elegant curves of her torso, her sweat soaked skin glinting in the dim light of the room. Rey took notice of his dumbfounded stare as he remained frozen, still splayed out on the floor.

“What?” she defended, “It’s like an oven in here, I don’t want to overheat.”

Poe pushed himself up and removed his own sleeping shirt without a second thought. The metal of the ring that hung on a chain around his neck cooled his heated skin. 

“Fair is fair,” he mumbled as he tossed the shirt aside. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and found that Rey’s eyes were no longer exhausted and empty as they were when she first walked into the room. No, now her eyes were bright, blazing with a flaming intensity that was intently fixed on him.

He felt the air between them become thick with something that couldn’t be blamed solely on the humidity.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Poe raised an eyebrow, “Let’s go.”

Rey ran forward again, a deep guttural cry bellowing from her tiny form, and began swinging. Poe avoided swinging back, dodging and sidestepping and evading her rapid movements as quick as she could dole them out. He waited until he could tell that she was beginning to tire out, and then took a page out of her own book.

She tried delivering a wide kick to his torso, and Poe caught her leg as she brought it around. He briefly saw her eyes go wide as she realized what was about to happen. Poe yanked on her leg, knocking her off balance and sending her sprawling to the ground once again.

Poe capitalized on the opportunity, crouching to the ground and grabbing her flailing arms by the wrists, slamming them to the ground above her head and pinning her to the mat with his full weight.

“Call it!” he proclaimed in between heavy breaths.

It was in this moment that Poe became acutely aware of how close he was to Rey, their faces mere inches apart. He could feel the heat rolling off her skin, her ribs moving beneath his weight as she tried to catch her breath. Her eyes bored into his, wild and feral, and Poe felt the heat that was rushing through his veins begin to pool in the pit of his stomach.

That is, until Rey managed to grab hold of Poe’s finger, wrenching it backwards and causing Poe to release his grip on her with a loud yelp.

She utilized the momentum to switch their positions, flipping Poe onto his back and straddling his hips, pinning his lower half with her body weight. And in the blink of an eye, she, likewise, gripped Poe’s wrists and forcefully pinned his arms above his head.

“Call it!” Rey yelled out, face somehow even closer to Poe’s than before.

The room fell silent, save for their intermingling breathing. Their eyes remained locked on each other’s, and Poe could feel every point of contact between their bodies like a brand burning into his skin.

It could only take a few inches of movement, he thought. A few inches of movement to spark a blaze that knew ran the risk of burning down his entire world.

Fuck it.

Poe surged forward and captured Rey’s lips with his own. She immediately reciprocated with unbridled enthusiasm, releasing Poe’s arms from her grip to begin tangling her hands in his thick curls. He locked his arm around her waist, anchoring her body to his as they sat the two of them up.

There was no grace or tact with which they touched each other. It was messy. It was ravenous. It was a release that neither of them understood that they needed, nor one that they anticipated that they would find in each other.

Poe greedily ran his hands along every square inch of her skin, reveling in every soft whimper from Rey it earned him. He felt drunk on her. The rest of the world became blissfully hazy, and the only thing that mattered was the immaculate woman in his arms that had dragged him from the edge and shocked him back to life. He ripped his mouth from hers, and latched onto the soft skin at the crook of her neck.

“We can’t do this here,” Rey breathed into his ear.

“Why not?” Poe hummed against her skin, and he could feel a shiver running down her spine.

“I'm not going to fuck you in the training room, Poe,” she rasped, and now it was Poe’s turn to tremble.

He finally came up for air, ending up nose to nose with Rey. Her pupils were blown wide as she met his eyes. She was sweaty. Her hair was a tangled mess. The tips of her ears and cheeks were tinged pink, and her lips were already swollen from kissing.

And in the dim light of the training room, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“My quarters are only a few doors down,” Poe stated, lazily running his fingers over her exposed back.

“Then what are you waiting for?” Rey questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Poe didn’t need to be asked twice.

\-------

Poe and Rey finally rolled apart, each landing with a light thud on his thin mattress. Poe could feel the sweat clinging to his skin, refusing to cool in the sticky air around him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He turned his head to take in the woman beside him, equally as blissed out as she caught her breath. Her head lolled to the side and she caught his gaze, letting out a tiny giggle that made Poe’s heart sing. The glow that radiated off her warmed his bones.

Kriff, he liked her so much.

The thought rang in his head, clear as a bell, and made his heart drop into his stomach like a stone.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Rey whispered softly, and Poe could only numbly nod his head in response. She gave a small smile and pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder, before shuffling out of his bed and towards the fresher.

Poe felt his awareness slam into him like a train, popping the blissful and naive bubble that had encapsulated them both. He liked Rey, more than he could ever remember liking someone before. Normally, this is a revelation that one would chase after all their lives, and revel in once it was found.

But they were in the midst of a war. A bloody, brutal, galaxy consuming war that showed no sign of ending any time soon.

He remembered the way his parents spoke about war, of being a part of a rebellion of this scale. How it necessitated a sacrifice of everything personal - your desires, dreams, wants, needs, hell, even your identity at times - for the greater good. Poe had understood the abstract concept as best he could as a child who had not seen battle firsthand. He had to at least try; if not, the long stretches of time he went without seeing his parents would feel as if it was for nothing.

But he didn't fully understand their words until this moment, laying on a flimsy mattress on a Resistance base on a far flung moon in the Outer Rim, with a glorious woman in the next room that he knew he could be falling into something like love with.

Rey emerged from the fresher and crawled back into the small bed, quietly curling herself into Poe’s side.

He looked down at her as she nestled her head against his chest. Her face was the most tranquil and calm that he’d ever seen it, and a part of him knew he would do anything to protect that sense of peace that was enveloping her now.

Poe tried to shake that voice as it grew louder in his head. There wasn't space for him to have feelings like this, not right now. Hell, he didn't even know what Rey felt towards him; he couldn't ask her to take on something as immense as the word love right now. She had enough on her shoulders as it was.

And, he thought with a chill, he couldn't afford to let such deep feelings like that compromise his decision making when it came to the heat of battle. Dozens of people trusted him to lead them whenever their X-Wings took to the sky.

And he knew how it felt when a selfish decision cost those people their lives.

“Poe?” Rey asked, voice so soft that it broke Poe’s heart.

“I think this was a mistake,” Poe felt his chest hollow out as the words left his lips and echoed in the empty room.

Rey took in a soft, but sharp inhale, and her body stiffened next to his.

“Okay,” she stated, all warmth that had infused her voice moments ago now gone completely cold.

Poe had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around her and hold her tightly, to bury his face in her hair and tell her that he was wrong. This wasn’t a mistake. This was one of the only things that had made sense to him in a long time. This was the first time in recent memory that he felt something that wasn’t all consuming dread or terror.

Instead, Poe laid still as she quickly pulled away from him if she had just been burned. She disentangled herself from the sheets, collected her clothes from the floor and hastily yanked them back on, refusing all the while to make eye contact with him again.

Rey punched the button on the wall, and rushed out the door without another word.

Poe’s entire being felt cold in her absence. He reminded himself that this is what was best for them both, repeated it over and over again in his head like a mantra. They had to focus on greater good, on the goal of finally freeing the galaxy of the First Order. They couldn't afford to be otherwise distracted. Not after what happened on Crait.

He glanced at the clock next to him. 2:57 AM stared back at him.

Poe sighed and ran his hands over his face. So much for getting sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been stuck on the comeback kids for a hot second, so I needed this to clear out the cobwebs in my brain.
> 
> and I realized the past two fics I've written have been AUs from Rey's perspective, so I figured I would take a stab at something in universe from Poe's perspective. plus, I immediately got the vibe from Rise of Skywalker that they had slept together and it ended weird, so I suppose this (at least the first chapter) is my attempt at filling in that gap. the rest of the story will take place post RoS.
> 
> title taken from steamroller by pheobe bridgers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part ii

The Battle of Exegol feels like the end of the world.

Time crawled to a near standstill as Poe’s X-Wing plummeted from the sky, the weightless feeling of freefall not enough to stop the window shaking screams that poured from his mouth.

X-Wings fell around him like flakes of snow amongst the thick bands of lightning that emanated from the planet’s surface. Palpatine was on the brink of crushing their entire movement, everything they had given their lives for, into nothing more than motes of dust. Poe’s ears rang and his vision began tunnelling, and for a second, he’s sure he’s on the brink of losing consciousness for what may be the last time.

And in that moment, he thought of his parents. Of the rebels who fought tirelessly to ensure the freedom of the galaxy. He thought of Leia, and Luke, and Han, who gave their lives to ensure that that fight could continue. He thought of Finn, and Rose, and Chewie and all of the people he had led and loved who were about to be forced to give their lives in the moment that this fight was finally lost.

And, most of all, he thought of Rey.

She had most likely died down there. She was dead, and even in that fleeting moment of consciousness, the thought of a world without her light in it is enough to make something in him shatter like glass.

And then, as quick as it had begun, it was over.

Palpatine was dead. So was Kylo Ren, and the First Order. But the Resistance had lived.

And so had Rey.

He’s the first to spot her in the crowd when they return to Ajan Kloss, and the relief that flooded his system at seeing her face was unlike anything he had ever experienced before.

She ran to him and Finn at full speed, body shaking with sobs as the three of them collided. Finn held them together as if they risked physically falling to pieces if he dared loosen his grip even slightly. The adrenaline slowly faded, and the reality that they were all still here, solid and tangible and alive, began to finally settle the ground beneath their feet again.

Poe grasped at Rey’s hand, trying to convey the words that he couldn’t even begin to articulate in that moment. _I’m sorry._

She grasped back. _I know._

\-------

It didn’t take long for the alcohol to begin to flow, and the base to break out into a raucous party that he’s sure would make Leia proud.

Poe stood in the corner, content to simply observe and revel in the life that was shining so vibrantly around him. He nursed a coffee cup filled with Corellian wine, mostly to take the edge off of his injured arm that still hung lamely in a sling.

His eyes were drawn to Finn and Rose, who were flailing around each other in a way that vaguely resembled dancing to the music that poured from tinny speakers around the hangar. Their smiles were infectious, even at this distance, and Poe couldn’t help the smile that began to grow on his face.

His eyes once again drifted around the room, not exactly searching for a certain face in the crowd. But his gaze found her anyways. Rey was slowly but surely pushing her way towards the exit, exchanging hugs and handshakes with various people along her path. Every so often, she glanced up and met his eyes. She would smile slightly and shrug. He would smile slightly and shrug back.

Poe’s heart rate picked up as she finally approached him in his corner. He ran through all the things that he had planned to say to her, but where was he even supposed to start?

_I’m sorry I pushed you away. You deserved better._

_I missed you._

_I’m sorry I acted like an irritable ass to you these past few months. It was because I knew I fucked up. I dug myself into my own grave._

_And I missed you._

_I know that’s not an excuse._

_I know you deserve better._

_But in the brief moment I thought you were dead, it felt like I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t bear the thought of missing you so hard that my chest aches everyday, and it was in that moment that I knew that I lo-_

Rey finally stepped into his personal space, and Poe’s mind went blank. No words fell from his lips. All he could do was take in every detail of her delicate face, certain areas still matted with blood and dirt where a wet washcloth wasn’t enough to wipe them away. She studied him just the same.

Rey stepped forward and wrapped him in a tight hug without another word. Poe responded in kind, wrapping his arms around her slender frame and clinging to her as if his life depended on it. The world around them faded to white noise in Poe’s ears. The only thing that mattered was that she was here, solid and real and _alive_ in his arms.

“Could we talk?” Poe asked after what could have been a minute or an hour, he didn’t know and he didn’t care.

Rey leaned back slightly and gave him a small smile, “Not right now. Today has been the longest day of my life, and I really want nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep for the next 3 days.”

Poe nodded, both understanding and disappointed at the same time. Rey reached up and pushed a stray curl behind his ear.

“But soon, okay? I promise,” she affirmed in a soft voice. Her fingers lingered near his temple, touch as light as a feather.

“I’m really glad you’re okay,” he confessed as he leaned into her touch.

“I’m not sure about okay, but I’m alive,” Rey corrected, voice becoming quiet, “I’m alive.” She looked up at him, and her eyes became glassy with tears.

“And I’m really glad you’re alive,” she stated in a watery voice. Poe felt tears beginning to prick at the corners of his eyes.

He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Rey sighed softly at the touch and her shoulders began to relax.

“Go get some sleep, okay?” Poe murmured against her skin, “You deserve it.”

Rey nodded and finally extracted herself from his arms. She smiled slightly, and Poe could see for the first time how utterly exhausted she was. But, more than that, he saw how completely at peace she seemed to be, even as the fatigue began to set into her delicate features.

Rey gave his hand a soft squeeze, and turned towards the mouth of the hallway that led to her quarters.

Everything was going to be okay, Poe thought as he watched her disappear around the corner. They would be okay.

\-------

The next few weeks are a nonstop grind of meetings, conferences and assemblies for one General Poe Dameron. Turns out war isn’t solely hashed out on the battlefront; it continues to bleed across treaties and arbitrations and endless piles of paperwork that make Poe’s brain go numb.

He really wasn’t meant for this part of things, he thought as he poured himself a cup of caf in the empty mess. Stick him in an X-Wing and put him at the front lines of a firefight? He’ll thrive. But ask him to sit through a two hour long meeting discussing the minutiae of the local economies of Outer Rim moons?

Not so much.

Poe wandered through the halls and into the hanger, all still and quiet with the late hour of the evening. Sleep evaded him, as it had ever since the Battle of Crait. But the past year had gotten him used to running on only a few hours of it at a time.

He found himself roaming to the Millenium Falcon, her main entrance sitting open like an old friend welcoming him home with a big hug. Poe smiled and ran his hands along the worn exterior as he walked up the ramp.

Poe took a deep breath and felt himself relax for the first time all day when he stepped inside. This was where he felt most at home, everyone who had an inkling of an understanding of the man he was knew that. He just never understood just how much solace he found in the hull of a ship until he found his days forcefully tethered to one mundane spot.

“Good evening, General Dameron,” a voice startled him from his reveries. He couldn’t stop the way he jumped, spilling a bit of caf on himself in the process.

Poe looked over to find Rey sitting at the holochess table, wrapped in a blanket and holding a cup of caf in her hands as well. She laughed lightly as he attempted to wipe the dark liquid from his shirt, only succeeding in spreading it around further.

“I know we’re both insomniacs, but we really have to stop meeting like this,” Poe stated, still focused on the newly formed stain on his shirt.

“What, worried it’ll end like it did last time?” Rey countered with a bluntness that made Poe raise his head sharply to look at her. Rey gave him a tired smile, and tilted her head to gesture him to sit down.

“How’re you holding up?” she asked as he seated himself across from her.

“If I have to sit through another 4 hour long conference on trade deals and agreements, I think I may put a blaster bolt through my skull,” Poe answered, and Rey let out a small chuckle.

“What? Notoriously patient and level-headed Poe Dameron isn’t loving the world of politics?” Rey deadpanned, eyeing him over her cup of caf. Poe rolled his eyes and Rey laughed again.

“How about you, Jedi Master?” Poe asked.

Rey went quiet for a minute, eyes glued to the mug in her hands. “I have no idea what I’m doing, Poe.”

Poe swallowed the instinct to give a quick retort or quip to lighten the mood. The dust was still settling for them all, and what that process looked like was different for everyone. And the scale of what Rey had on her shoulders suddenly made Poe’s plight look miniscule in comparison.

“The new government wants me to start a school,” she elaborated, “They said they’ll be hands off as to how it’s run, they don't want to make the same mistakes of the Old Republic. But they want to ensure that the Jedi legacy isn’t lost forever.”

“Can Finn help?” Poe asked, “He’s like you, right?”

“In order for Finn to help, Finn needs to be trained,” Rey answered, “And in order for Finn to be trained, I need to figure out how I want to train people in general.”

She absentmindedly ran her finger along the rim of her mug. “And I have to figure that out while also trying to process what happened on Exegol. It’s been weeks, but I’m still trying to get a grip on...all of it, I guess.”

“What happened down there?” Poe inquired gently, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Palpatine happened,” Rey responded simply, “I’m not sure how else to put it. Ben and I faced him down, and the effort ended up killing me.”

Poe nearly choked on his caf at the confession. “You died down there?”

Rey nodded, eyes unfocused on a spot just above his shoulder.

“Then how the kriff are you sitting in front of me right now?” Poe asked, unable to keep the shock out of his voice despite his best efforts.

“Ben Solo,” she answered, voice detached, “He gave his life to bring me back.”

Now Poe was well and fully stunned into complete silence. He knew that Kylo Ren had died on Exegol, along with Palpatine and his Knights of Ren. But never in a million years did he think that the bastard who slaughtered his own family and burned whole planets to ash would give his life to save the woman who was hellbent on stopping his wave of terror.

“We were a dyad in the Force,” Rey answered his thoughts as if she could read them, “Connected. I knew there was still light in him, I could just feel it. And on his last day, Ben Solo finally turned back to that light and ran towards it.”

“So, you two were connected?” Poe inquired, starting to feel stupid for the amount of questions he was peppering her with when she was this tired, “What, like soulmates?”

She took a long sip from her mug, eyes still unfocused and contemplative. “I wouldn’t call it that.”

“Did you love him?” Poe asked, his voice going quiet.

“I wouldn’t call it that either,” Rey answered, “I didn’t know Ben Solo, the real Ben Solo, long enough to know whether I loved him or not. And I could never forgive him for all the death and destruction he wrought upon so many innocent people, even after what he did to save me. I think a part of him knew that.”

“He was a scared kid in a lot of pain,” she continued, “And I just wanted him to know peace again.”

“And do you think he got that?” Poe questioned genuinely.

Rey took a quiet but deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them, a small and peaceful smile had crept onto her face. “I think he did.”

Poe nodded his head, conflicting voices shouting in his head. Did Ben Solo deserve to know peace after the way he had blown apart so many lives? Would he have caused such destruction if he had just gotten the help that he needed before that pain turned him into a monster? Did asking these questions even matter anymore?

“Why did you ask if I loved him?” Rey’s voice shook him from his thoughts.

“Just trying to make sense of things,” Poe attempted to shrug nonchalantly, ignoring the way his pulse picked up at the question.

“No, I did not love Ben Solo,” Rey clarified with finality, “Cared about him, sure, but not love.”

She eyed him knowingly over the rim of her mug as she brought it to her lips. “My heart was elsewhere, anyways.”

Poe felt her gaze pierce him like a blaster bolt, and the air disappeared from his lungs as he braced himself for the conversation he'd been anticipating for weeks now.

“Are we going to talk about it, then?” Rey asked calmly, setting her mug down in front of her, “That night that both of us would probably like to forget.”

“I don’t want to forget it,” Poe rushed out, “Kriff, no, Rey, I would never ever want to forget that night.”

Rey raised a confused eyebrow in response, but otherwise remained silent.

“I know I fucked up big time in how I handled it,” Poe continued to babble at lightspeed, “I should’ve never said it was a mistake, because it wasn’t. It was one of the best things that had happened to me in a long time.”

Poe caught his breath. Rey continued to observe him silently, but curiously.

“I liked you so much, Rey, and those feelings came out of nowhere and just scared the shit out of me,” Poe continued.

“Scared you?” Rey probed in a soft voice, “Why would that scare you?”

“Because I’ve seen firsthand how hard it can be to carry feelings like that when you’re in the middle of fighting a war,” Poe replied, voice threatening to waver under the emotions that were flooding him, “I watched the burden my parents carried when they served. The extra stress that came along with worrying for two lives instead of just one, and knowing the very real possibility that one of them could survive while the other didn’t.”

Poe took a deep, steadying breath. “Or knowing that both of them could be lost, and their son would be left without his parents.”

Rey’s eyes softened as she observed him, quietly but intently listening as he rambled.

“I wasn’t ready to thrust that responsibility onto either of us,” Poe continued, “And I knew that’s where I was heading if I let my feelings continue the way they were.”

A heavy, but understanding moment of silence fell between them.

“Why didn’t you say that?” Rey broke the silence, “Or something, literally anything other than ‘I think this was a mistake’?”

“I panicked,” Poe offered, “I caught feelings and I panicked.”

Rey let out a tiny laugh, but a certain sadness crept into her eyes. “I sincerely thought you hated me. Which is really hard to handle after you just slept with someone you really liked.”

“You liked me?” Poe asked, genuinely surprised by the confession. Rey gave him an incredulous look.

“Poe, I slept with you, of course I liked you!” she laughed.

“What about now?” he inquired, voice quiet once again, “Do you still like me?”

“You sound like a teenager,” Rey took a drink from her mug. Poe shrugged, feeling no shame at the remark.

“Do you?” he asked once again. His heart threatened to pound out of his chest as his words echoed through the Falcon.

Rey met his eyes over her mug, holding it intently as she set it back down in front of her. Her eyes softened as she held his gaze. “Yes, I still like you. A lot.”

“Do you still like me?” Rey parrotted back to him.

“Yes,” Poe replied without a moment of hesitation, “I like you so much I sometimes have no idea what to do with myself.”

Another heavy moment of silence fell between the two of them. It didn’t need to be said, but both shared the realization that one simple sentence had deprived them of so much. If not anything romantic, then at least many moments of genuine connection and partnership. Instead, it had ignited resentment and anger that had simmered between them for the better part of a year for no reason at all.

“So where do we go from here, then?” Rey posited, cradling the mug in her hands.

“I dunno, run away together?” Poe quipped, “Abandon our responsibilities, change our names, settle down on an anonymous planet and raise boatloads of gorgeous Force sensitive babies?”

Rey let out a genuine belly laugh at that. Poe couldn’t help but chuckle at the idea himself, knowing it was too far out of reach to ever be feasible, despite how genuinely inviting it sounded. Rey met his eyes once again, and nodded in tacit understanding.

Now wasn’t the time for this. There was too much that they were responsible for now.

“Well, if we can’t run off together in some grand romantic fashion, can we at least stop actively antagonizing one another and go back to being friends?” Rey asked, “I’ve really missed you.”

“I would like that,” Poe answered softly, feeling a warmth bloom in his chest, “I would really, really like that.”

Rey smiled, wide and genuine. She stood up from the table and held her hand out to him, “Friends again?”

Poe stood up and took her hand in his, giving it a firm handshake. “Friends again.”

Rey continued to smile. Poe continued to smile back. They continued to shake hands, holding each other’s gaze for a long moment until the air between them began growing thick with something that made Poe’s heart begin to pound against his ribs.

Rey tugged sharply on Poe’s hand, pulling him into her and meeting him with a soft kiss. Poe’s brain short circuited, and before it had a chance to right itself and kiss her back properly, Rey pulled away.

She gave him a sheepish smile. “Sorry, just had to know if it still felt the sa-”

Poe took her face in his hands and cut her off with a searing kiss of his own. She kissed him back with the same fire, locking her arms around his neck and drawing her body as close as she could to his.

\------

Okay, they sleep together twice.

\-------

Rey fiddled with the ring at the end of the chain that laid on his bare chest, long after the sweat on their skin had cooled and the bliss had settled deep into their bones.

“I’ve always wanted to ask,” she asked in a soft voice, “Why do you wear this? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without it.”

Poe turned his head to look at her, curled up against his side. They were admittedly cramped in the Falcon’s tiny bunk, which was definitely only intended for one person. But he didn’t mind the proximity it required of both of them. He wrapped his arms around her shoulder, drawing her tighter to him.

“It was my mother’s,” he explained, “My dad gave it to me after she died, I guess as a way of keeping a little piece of her with me.

Rey delicately lifted the ring from his skin and held it in her hand, studying its curves and markings as she ran the pad of her finger along the cool metal. A pang of something he didn’t want to acknowledge hit Poe’s heart at the sight.

“And I’m hoping one day to give it to the person I spend the rest of my life with,” Poe continued, voice becoming so quiet it verged on a whisper.

Rey let out a faint chuckle and smiled up at him. “I always knew you were a softy.”

“Hey, let a man have his pipe dreams,” he quipped, earning him another faint chuckle from the woman beside him. She softly laid the ring back on his chest.

“Is that something you want?” she asked, “To get married? Settle down?”

“I don’t even know if that’s within the realm of possibility at this point,” Poe reached down and grabbed the thin blanket that covered them, pulling it up around Rey’s shoulders.

“I’m not talking about the realm of possibility,” Rey snuggled into the blanket gratefully, “I’m talking about, if you had the freedom to do anything you wanted with your life, anything at all, right now. What would it be?”

Poe looked down and met Rey’s curious eyes as she glanced up at him, waiting for his answer. Despite the fact that they were literally naked and wrapped around one another, he suddenly felt acutely vulnerable under her questioning gaze.

“I would go back home,” Poe finally admitted after a moment, “Back to Yavin IV. Build a place of my own, preferably near my dad. And just live a quiet life, peaceful life, far away from anything close to resembling the front lines of a battle ever again.”

“That sounds really nice,” Rey acknowledged softly, almost reverently at the life he was describing.

“What about you?” Poe queried back at her.

“I think I would like to find a home,” she imparted, “I know the life of a Jedi means that I won’t always be able to stay in one place for very long, but it would be really nice to have a place to come home to.”

“You can always join me on Yavin,” Poe suggested.

Rey glanced up at him again. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Poe reassured, “You’d love it there. It’s warm, lots of sun, and just green as far as the eye can see.”

Rey grinned, and Poe’s chest warmed at the way it reached her eyes and made them sparkle in the dim light of the room.

“I’ll think about it,” she stated as she laid her head on his chest. He began slowly running his fingers up and down the bare skin of her back, causing her to let out a contented sigh.

Poe closed his eyes and soaked in the rare moment of peace that had settled over them. He shut out the thoughts of how many meetings he had in the coming weeks. He shut out the weight of knowing that the outcomes of those meetings would shape the future of the post-First Order galaxy. He shut out the feeling that he was suffocating under the pressure of handling an entire political movement when he was entirely unprepared to do so.

He instead welcomed in a daydream about what type of life he and Rey could build together if they were allowed. Maybe they would settle on Yavin IV, build a house with a few bedrooms and pictures on the wall and huge windows that always let the sunlight in. Maybe their kids would be stubborn, Force sensitive little creatures with her eyes and his curls. Maybe he would fall asleep every night feeling as peaceful as he did right now, and wake up to Rey's beautiful face first thing every morning. Maybe after everything they had been through, they could get a soft, happy epilogue, for once.

“This is probably the last time this is going to happen, isn’t it?” Rey’s voice broke him from his thoughts. He opened his eyes and looked down to meet her eyes, and felt a little piece of his heart crack at the truth that had just fallen from her lips.

“Probably,” he admitted, unable to keep the sadness from his voice. Rey cast her eyes downward and nodded, and Poe leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her lips.

It wasn’t the same desperate, hungry effort that their previous kisses were. It was a soft, intimate act; an apology and a promise and a reverie all wrapped up in one. The kiss lingered, neither one wanting to deal with the finality that would come with its end. But they eventually had no choice to concede, and break apart.

“I should probably go,” Rey whispered, face still only inches from Poe’s.

“Stay,” he pleaded, “Please, stay.”

Rey gave him a gentle, sad smile. “Okay.”

She settled back onto his chest, and Poe wrapped both arms around her form, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and burying his face in her soft hair. She closed her eyes as listened to his heart thrumming against his ribs.

When they awoke in the morning, they would break apart and return to the unpleasant chaos of reality. A reality that made them as a long term possibility unfeasible.

But for now, as Rey began to peacefully doze in his arms, Poe could at least pretend that this dream could last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely wasn't expecting the amount of love that this fic got, but it made me giddy with excitement to see y'all enjoy it.
> 
> thank you for being patient with me with updates. life is busy, but thankfully, this story is one that is just flowing out of me a lot quicker and easier than I had anticipated. what can I say? I'm a sucker for the casual tragedy of two people finding love under circumstances where the stars just don't quite align (yet).
> 
> one more full chapter left, followed by a short epilogue to wrap up this story in a neat little bow. see you all for the penultimate chapter!


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